I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
