he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
