i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
