I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
