I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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