Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
there's paper in my vomit.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
me + whiskey = a bad person
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
