her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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