god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
