I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
