also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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