Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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