I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
