But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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