You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
