Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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