I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
