There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
