If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
