hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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