So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
only if we run a train.
done.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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