I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
