Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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