i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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