I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
