I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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