I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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