I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
