allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
