she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
