she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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