the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
