honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
