Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
