if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
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getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
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After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
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