Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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