How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
