Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
