It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
