did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
