dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
