I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
