I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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