There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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