Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
