Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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