You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
