I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
