All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
