your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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