Dual....:-)
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
