we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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