I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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