he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
