i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
