life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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