I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
