had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
We got so high we made milksteak
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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