Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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