R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
