So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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