I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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