If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
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I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
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This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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