I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
