He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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