And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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